Cal's using AI!

The hype lasted too long, so now I'm joining in.

So up until this point, I’ve not even really taken an interest in A.I. I’ve pretty much avoided it since I found out much of it was made of the backs of unpaid labour and unlicensed material. What can I say. I’m a huge nerd, so I have ethics.

Haha, what am I talking about? I don’t have ethics.

Anyway, so I was thinking about how AI is the new big thing and it’s probably gonna change everything, but also I’m not sure how much I care because I pretty much exist on the edge of society anyway and this is no less ostracising to me than the dawn of say…social media…or soulja boy… and then all of a sudden I was taken by a really random thought. Now I’d never used ChatGPT before (I probably won’t use it again, because after using it once it now wants me to make an account which is more commitment than I was ever going to give at this stage) but I thought…instead of only caring what I think about AI…what does AI think of ME?

The conversation in my head went something like this:

“What if I used ChatGPT to psycho-analyse myself?”

“That would be so weird.”

“I’m totally gonna do it that, I’m SO curious. I’m doing it right now.”

“Why am I am doing this, this such a weird thing to do.”

“LOOK. I’m a weird guy. And I do weird stuff. And I’m gonna do weird stuff for the rest of my life. So, GET OVER IT.”

Quoting my brain verbatim.

So I copy and pasted one of my newsletters into ChatGPT to see what it thought. Immediately, it said something like “This is a very revealing transcript” which…like…okay…whatever that means. I don’t know what I thought it would say to be honest, but I didn’t think the first thing it’d mention would be ‘egotistical and fragile.” To be fair, no idea why I thought a mechanised psycho-analysis WOULDN’T cut me to my core, with deep insights about things I didn’t really want to hear in first place. I guess it’s cos in a way, this whole experiment was me being egotistical and fragile.

So it continued to break down my personality in unpleasant and mostly true ways, but then I forgave it because it started calling me cool things like “punk” and “maniac”…or it veered in that direction anyway…I didn’t say that exactly.

Honestly, I was kind of impressed by all the different things it picked up on. It also made me laugh quite a bit. I wouldn’t really call it a ROAST, cos it was mostly just making factual observations…then again…isn’t that the best kind of roast? I’VE certainly been called HARSH for just openly making observations before. So yeah, I kind of appreciated it as if it was a roast, a really dry scientific one (it’s called imagination, try it some time!) It was funny seeing it pick up on my different little quirks and point out how it clearly comes from a deeply off-balance place.

I mean, I certainly prefer it to the time AI called be gay anyway. That was wild. What a natural segway into talking about MentalwiddaPencilFM! You can see a funny little clip below where AI says that I am a GAY man. Just about made it time for pride month. Beautiful really. In a way. Admittedly even so, the psycho-analysis was the beginning of my interest in AI and it calling my gay was the end.

It then went on to say things like how I’m painfully self aware (believe me, I know) just generally a huge lunatic (and how I exaggerate everything) before giving me an all round summary. Now, I think it is of the up most importance that all of us here recognise that in this official summary…AI said that I had CHARM. Yup. Charming old me. Look for yourself. It’s right there, in the DOMINANT TRAITS section.

It also said there’s a possibility that I’ll find success. I tell ya, all I ever really wanted was a possibility!

So if/when AI takes over the world. Let it be known that in the future AI dystopia, I will probably be a successful artist. That is the world we are building. Turns out, AI overlords want to be entertained too. That’s a mad thought isn’t it? Imagine if the AI became so intellegent, but also so HUMAN that instead of taking over roles from artists, they took over the role of the clients. Arguably, with all the algorithms and stuff we’re already being shaped by online…that’s kind of the direction we’re going.

Quite frankly, I wouldn’t feel any type of way about working for an AI client. I mean…it’s about time we invented something that surpassed our limited human intelligence enough to REALISE how much CHARM I have…considering it’s one of my DOMINANT TRAITS.

So after I read this little thing it asked me if I wanted it to re-write the whole thing in the form of a letter to the artist, designed to…well…give them unsolicited advice basically. I thought it was weird and funny, because if anybody actually sent me a ‘letter’ psycho-analysing me that had been written with AI, I would be both deeply disturbed and offended. But obviously, It was just me myself and I…well me myself and AI.

So of course I was curious enough to say yes…

Again. Can you imagine if someone had actually sent something like this to me? I’d be so creeped out. I mean, it’s right. I know this about myself. Also, existential spirals and emotional breakdowns being part of the day job…are you telling me this ISN’T a common thing? See, this is the thing about awareness and a tendency to do weird things like what I’ve done here with the AI. Despite my curiosity about myself, when all’s said and done…I’d actually rather not know how I’m coming across. It’s much more comfortable in my deluded fantasies (an untrue statement, that is itself: a deluded fantasy).

It did make me re-think how I perceive my art and my personal brand. It’s kind of been a slow thing where more and more, I’m trying to lean into the promotional side of things. Really let people kind of understand the behind the scenes and get a stronger sense of the artist behind the nonsense (I feel like there was a more stylish and clever way to play with the fact I just said sense and nonsense together, but I’m too tired and busy so I guess I’ll just leave it there in the kind of clunky way I said it).

I think what’s really difficult about it is that, while I’m super passionate about making things, I am not particularly passionate about just like…yapping on…or being the center of attention (I know you wouldn’t think it from the way I talk about myself sometimes) so it’s difficult to find the motivation and confidence to show up and say “yeah, hello I’m Cal…I’m the strange guy behind the strange thing.” It just feels unnatural. Writing is this newsletter is one thing. But then I’ve also gotta think about promoting the newsletter, live-streaming, social media, networking; I know this is like a very typical list of problems for an artist/creative who’s more introverted, but I guess that’s the mad thing. I’m really not THAT introverted. Which even the AI has picked up on. I’m clearly capable of presenting myself in an honest and confident way.

But one thing I’ve always been bad at is showing any kind of enthusiasm, whether it be for my work, my life, whatever. And that’s why actually doing any kind of promotion is hard. But I suppose what I’m now trying to commit to is just like…showing up. Like fine maybe my live-stream is weird and maybe my attempts at promotion are kind of unprofessional and off-beat…but if I can commit to just talking and writing and being in front of a camera…then surely I’m on the right track? Right? Or am I just embarrassing myself…?

I guess I could be doing both. Both of those things could be true.

I suppose it’s that whole thing of like…when people judge your work…it’s a step removed, but people judging ME? That’s like. Well that’s like…it’s ME. That’s like a direct attack. I hate being attacked. That’s personal.

I don’t know if these AI things are this encouraging to everyone. Like if that’s part of it. Otherwise, machine learning has dictated that I am charming, brilliant and potentially on a very real path to wide success. It also says that I’m emotionally unstable, with an inconstant and fragile self image and that I’m only really making art to either channel or avoid manic compulsions. Or both.

So, that’s what AI thinks of me.

But the real question is…what do YOU think of me?

Haha, just kidding keep that s*** to yourself.